Au Pairs As Parenting Partners
This week on one of my monthly calls, I had a question that unfortunately comes up often with my au pairs of Au Pair Care. In this particular instance, the au pair was concerned that the host family’s four-year-old son was not yet potty trained, and the host parents did not seem inclined to work on this. The au pair was asking me for advice on how to convince the host family to start the process.
While not this particular situation, I often hear from au pairs who are not comfortable with a parenting choice and are unsure of how to proceed. First, let’s focus on the good news – au pairs truly care about these kids! They are drawing on the experience they had in their home country and applying it to improve and enrich the lives of their host family. Occasionally, I will hear from a host family in this situation whose au pair has approached them on an issue. The family is sometimes offended and feels that they know best. Ultimately, this is absolutely the case, but I always point out that it takes a very dedicated and caring au pair to make these types of suggestions and to want to help their host family in this way. Thus, a balance needs to be maintained between host family and au pair.
In speaking with these au pairs of Au Pair Care, I let them know that it is fine to report observations and make suggestions to their host family. At the end of the day, however, it is the host parents who will be making decisions about the children. Au pairs need to be heard, but they also need to respect the host family’s desires and needs and make sure they stand on par with the expectations of host family. But hosts family should also understand their demands should not be too high.
Of course if there is every a serious safety concern, an au pair should discuss it with her Area Director for guidance. In cases such as the potty training, I encouraged this au pair to let the host family know that she was willing and able to assist with the process, but reminded her that it was up to the family and when and how this process was started and it might take some time. Most importantly, I commended the au pair from Au Pair Care for being an active member of the family and a wonderful, caring au pair.
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