Divorce Sucks!
No matter what the cause, no matter what the circumstances, nobody when they decide to get married, believes it will end in divorce. They feel that they have made the right choice, that life is going to be better with the person that they chose to get married to. So when divorce happens, it is excruciatingly painful. It rips at the very heart and soul of a person.
Because of this, we have in this world, millions of people who need to know that there is life after divorce. That it is not something that has to haunt them for the rest of their lives. They need to know that the pain does not have to be something they will live with forever.
11 years ago, even as a Christian and a Pastor, I went through divorce. It was one of the most overwhelming things that ever happened to me in my life. I thought for sure that the life I knew and the vocation I loved was over forever. That I would have to live with the specter of being divorced for the rest of my life. This was not true, but it took steps in order to walk out of that valley of the shadow of death that divorce made me feel like I was living in.
Briefly I am going to give you a few steps that I took to help me get out of this valley. It is not detailed, nor is it complete, but this is an article, not a novel. You can find many more resources about this subject on my blog called Taber’s Truths.
1.) Do not hop out of 1 relationship right into another. You will be hopping out of the frying pan and into the fire. You are not emotionally nor mentally ready to start a healthy relationship again. Even though you will feel a desperate need for validation, do not make this mistake, it will only set you back and make the whole process of becoming whole again longer.
2.) Focus on dealing with your own issues. To keep focusing on how the other person wronged you will not do you any good. You are not in control of their actions, nor are you able to change them. You can only control and change yourself. You have to admit, that just as it takes 2 people to make a marriage work, it takes 2 people to make a marriage fail. There is never a situation where 1 person is totally to blame for the failure of a marriage. So deal with your own issues, and work on making yourself the type of person that attracts healthy people who bring good things into a relationship. The last thing you want to do is repeat failure.
3.) Get involved with a divorce recovery group. You are not alone and only a fool thinks they have to learn everything by first hand experience. They information and the support you will get with a divorce recovery group cannot be underestimated. You will find that your emotions and your thoughts that you have are not abnormal but very normal for someone who has been wounded as you have.
4. Learn who you are as a single person. For many years you have been thinking in terms of “us”. That is good in a marriage, but you are no longer married so your thought patterns have to change. You have to figure out who you are as a single person. Until you know who you are, you will never be able to tell if someone new is a good match for you or if they are just comfortable because they let you fall back into the thought patterns of “us” where you used to live.
These are just a few things I have learned, and I am still learning. You can learn more by coming to my blog Taber’s Truths and reading all the articles I have about divorce and recovery from a Christian Perspective.
God Bless You!
Pastor Duke
Pastor Duke is the Author of the up and coming premier Christian blog called Taber’s Truths. He has over 100 articles that will encourage you spiritually and emotionally. He has over 500 people that daily visit his blog just to read the latest article and use his writings as a source of strength for their daily lives. A couple of suggested articles for you to read are What Does the Bible Teach About Divorce and
Can a Christian Have Life After Divorce?
These and over 100 articles are available to you at Taber’s Truths.
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