Get Control Of Your Out-Of-Control Teen With Technology!
Teenagers are at a stage in their lives when they are making the difficult transition from being the center of the universe to realizing they are one individual in a big world of people. Add all the hormones and changes that go with puberty and you end up with a very volatile and complex personality. It is a difficult stage for those going through it, as well as for those who parent them. No wonder so many parents struggle with their previously well behaved children who seemingly overnight have become obnoxious and hard to handle. Teens and parents can make it through this stage, however, with the right structure and discipline.
With teenagers, successful parenting is as much about steering away from types of discipline that are ineffective as it is targeting areas that provide the most effect. Spanking, for instance, is not effective on teenagers. That shocks a lot of people, but it is simply a fact, so let me explain. As a parent, you are trying to eliminate bad behavior. You do that with negative reinforcement or negative consequences. So at first thought, you might think, “what can be more negative than having your bottom whacked?” The answer is, a lot of things! If you could get an honest polling from teenagers, I think you would find that most would immediately pick spanking as their preferred punishment. Why? Well, if you’re a teenager, a lot of things make it the best choice. By the time teenagers have reached their teen years, they have learned many tools to get what they want. Manipulation is one of them. In fact, by the teen years, they have learned manipulation so well that they have it down to a fine art.
We all did it in some form or other. We were all young once. It is all age appropriate, normal and expected and someday, just like us, they will grow out of it. But for now, that sting on their bottom makes them feel like a ‘martyr for the cause!’ It is short and sweet. It makes parents feel bad and teenagers love that guilt! Guilt, whether a parent admits they feel it or not, is almost impossible to hide from a teenager who knows your every button. And, if your teenager is lucky, and they usually are, you will goof and leave a mark. Teenagers love those marks and bruises! You can bet that regardless of how faint it might be, they will get more mileage out of it then you ever thought possible by showing all their friends and retelling the story over and over again. And when, as a teenager, did you or I ever let the truth stand in the way of a really good story?
An even worse case scenario is the ’mark’ making its way to the eyes of the school counselor or other adult, who by law must report to child protective services. Once accepted, by law child protective services must conduct an investigation. Things can get complicated in a hurry and all of this is gravy to a martyred teenager who feels unfairly disciplined. And to date, I’ve never met a teenager who didn’t feel unfairly disciplined regardless of what they did. It is a simple fact- spanking is not negative reinforcement to a teenager. They love the drama! So why give it to them? Why put yourself through that? Why not use something that works?
The good news is that we are fortunate to live in a time when highly effective tools for parenting teenagers are available that were not available to our parents. I’m talking about tech toys! You got to love today’s tech toys! You want a discipline that is highly effective at curbing misbehavior? One that is not short and sweet? Take away their tech toys! Now you have their attention! None of the beloved melodrama! No guilt trip to pull on Mom or Dad! No trip through the honorable world of martyrdom! Just an unmistakable message that “this behavior will not be tolerated”.
Electronic games are a perfect choice for discipline tools. They have no socially redeeming value, in and of themselves, and they are highly addictive. If you have a teenager who is into soccer or scouts, for instance, those activities are teaching important values while being fun. To ground a teenager from those activities deprives them of the very things you are trying to teach, such as socializing skills, self-confidence, sportsmanship, commitment, exercise, etc. Electronic games, on the other hand, rarely provide such skills and are perfect to use to ‘guide’ a child and their behavior in the right direction. Best of all, tech games are just the tip of the iceberg. Today’s tech toys provide a smorgas board of useful parenting tools that can be temporarily removed to ‘guide’ your teenager along the correct path, e.g., the ipad, ipod, iphone, computer, Wii, DS, DSI, etc.
All of these wonderfully addictive toys are guaranteed to bring on a severe case of separation anxiety and grab a teenager’s attention. Of course, the ‘removal time’ of the tech toys must be reasonable to be effective. A couple of days to a couple of weeks, depending on the offense, is plenty to get your message across. As always, consistency is still critical as a parent must be careful to never give in until the designated removal time is over. ‘Tips for Successful Parenting’ is a good resource for helpful discipline methods and can be found at http://WhartonInformationNow.com
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